Shiraznologists Have One Too Many Too

I used to get really drunk all the time. And I'm not saying I'm some class of nun now. I guess those days of drinking 2-3 bottles of wine in an hour or two are just behind me. Anyhow, my partner in crime, Nicole*, and I were sort of known about town for getting dressed up in our finest vintage frocks and heels, getting blitzed, dancing like crazy, and pretty much painting the town glitter.

So one night we hear theres a party at the Crunk Palace, this shitty loft on the West Side that 4 people lived in with no walls, just curtains and a not many inhibitions. We get there and theres music on, and we've got 3 of those huge bottles of yellow tail shiraz, and 45 minutes later I am telling everyone at the party that I dropped out of school to study shiraznology. Apparently thats really hot, or else everyone just loves really drunk girls. Next thing I know I am in one of the curtained "rooms" making out with 3 people.

I ended up waking up at a different friend's house with wine stains on my lips and clothing I didn't remember. From what I heard the next morning, I lost my skirt and my shoes, got dressed in someone else's pants and walked out of the house without shoes on. This guy followed me out and said I was wandering in the road barefoot complaining about not being able to find my car. He said he lured me into his car with promises of cake.
I think I was more fun then.

Sorry for not partying anymore.

- Anonymous
West Mitten